When Siblings Won't Stop Fighting
The Situation
Your 5 and 8-year-old are at each other constantly — hitting, name-calling, 'it's not fair' every hour.
Goal
Teach conflict resolution skills while reducing your role as constant referee
What to Say
"I see two people who both want to feel heard. Tell me what happened — each person gets a turn, no interrupting."
What Not to Say
"I don't care who started it" / Automatically siding with the younger child / "Why can't you just get along!"
3-Step Plan
Separate first if things are heated. Let each child cool down, then bring them together to problem-solve: 'What do you each need? How can we both get part of what we want?'
Avoid being judge and jury. Instead coach them through resolution: 'What's one thing you could each do differently?' Build their skills rather than your authority.
Create special 1:1 time with each child weekly. Many sibling conflicts stem from competing for parental attention.
Follow Up
After a conflict resolves, praise the repair: 'I noticed you worked that out — that took real maturity.'
Safety Note
If physical aggression is frequent or escalating, consult a family therapist.
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