Nightmares and Night Fears: Helping Your Child Feel Safe at Night
The Situation
Your child wakes in the night from nightmares, is afraid of the dark, or won't go to sleep because they're scared of monsters, shadows, or being alone.
Goal
Validate your child's fears, give them real tools to feel safe, and maintain healthy sleep habits without reinforcing ongoing avoidance.
What to Say
'That sounds really scary. Nightmares feel real, and I'm so glad you came to me.' / 'You are safe in your room. I'm right here.' / 'Let's check together — no monsters. Your room is safe.'
What Not to Say
'There's nothing to be scared of — go back to bed.' / Playing along with monsters as real (it can deepen fear) / Dismissing the fear entirely / Letting them sleep in your bed every night as the only solution.
3-Step Plan
Take the fear seriously without amplifying it. Acknowledge their feeling, provide brief reassurance, and return them to their room calmly. Don't make the fear the center of a 30-minute event.
Empower them with tools: a nightlight, a special 'monster spray' (water in a spray bottle), a brave stuffed animal, or a glow-in-the-dark star ceiling. Give them agency over their space.
During the day, read books about bravery and nighttime. Practice 'brave thoughts' at a calm time: 'My room is safe. Mom is nearby. I can do hard things.' This rehearsal builds confidence.
Follow Up
Nightmares are developmentally normal and peak between ages 3-6. If they occur multiple times per week for more than a month, or if your child is consistently afraid during the day, speak with your pediatrician.
Safety Note
Night terrors (screaming, eyes open, unresponsive) are different from nightmares. During a night terror, do not wake the child — stay nearby, keep them safe, and it will pass. Consult your pediatrician if they occur frequently.
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