When Your Child Says They Can't Fall Asleep
The Situation
Your child lies in bed for an hour or more unable to fall asleep, getting anxious about not sleeping, and calling for you repeatedly saying 'I'm just not tired.'
Goal
Give your child effective tools for falling asleep independently and address any anxiety that may be keeping them awake.
What to Say
'It's okay to not fall asleep right away — your body is still resting. Just lie quietly.' / 'Try this: breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4. Let's do it together.' / 'Your only job right now is to lie still.'
What Not to Say
'You need to be asleep by now.' / 'Stop calling me.' / Turning on lights and screens when they can't sleep / Escalating your anxiety about their sleep — it makes it worse.
3-Step Plan
Teach box breathing or '4-7-8 breathing' as a sleep tool: breathe in 4 counts, hold 7, breathe out 8. Practice it during the day first so it's familiar at night.
Try a progressive muscle relaxation technique: tense and release each muscle group from toes to head. This releases physical tension and shifts focus from anxious thoughts to body sensation.
Allow quiet independent activities if truly unable to sleep: a chapter of a book by a dim light, a sleep meditation audio. This reduces anxiety about lying awake and paradoxically helps sleep come faster.
Follow Up
If a child consistently cannot fall asleep and expresses worry at bedtime, this may be anxiety presenting as sleep difficulty. A few sessions with a child therapist can make a significant difference.
Safety Note
Never give children melatonin without consulting a pediatrician first. While available OTC, dosing and appropriateness varies by age and should be medically guided.
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