When Your Child Says They Can't Fall Asleep
The Situation
Your child lies in bed for an hour or more unable to fall asleep, getting anxious about not sleeping, and calling for you repeatedly.
Goal
Give your child effective tools for falling asleep independently and address any anxiety keeping them awake.
What to Say
'It's okay to not fall asleep right away — your body is still resting. Just lie quietly.' / 'Try this: breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4.' / 'Your only job right now is to lie still.'
What Not to Say
'You need to be asleep by now.' / Turning on lights and screens when they can't sleep / Escalating your anxiety about their sleep.
3-Step Plan
Teach box breathing as a sleep tool: breathe in 4 counts, hold 4, breathe out 4. Practice it during the day first so it's familiar at night.
Try progressive muscle relaxation: tense and release each muscle group from toes to head. This releases physical tension and shifts focus from anxious thoughts.
Allow quiet independent activities if truly unable to sleep: a chapter of a book by a dim light or a sleep meditation audio. This reduces anxiety about lying awake.
Follow Up
If a child consistently cannot fall asleep and expresses worry at bedtime, this may be anxiety. A few sessions with a child therapist can make a significant difference.
Safety Note
Never give children melatonin without consulting a pediatrician first. Dosing and appropriateness varies by age and should be medically guided.
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